I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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