So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
