I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
