i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
