Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
