Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
