either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
