I didn't shave. On purpose
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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