Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
