Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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