I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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