My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just threw up on my dentist
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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