Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
