Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
