Do you still have your period?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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