The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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