She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
wow bdsm is so cute
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