dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
jump out the window naked night went bad
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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