Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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