Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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