my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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