I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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