so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
