Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Randomize
