A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
