He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I have feelings that need drinking.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
