Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
