Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
