What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Randomize
