oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
