Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
