Having a random hookup so left but love u
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
