At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
