I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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