it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
