I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
