It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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