I am full of burrito and curiosity
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize