Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize