you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
it glows. i had to have it.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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