Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
