In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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