She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
