I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
