Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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