And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
