thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
