why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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