Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
