yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
