yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
