I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
