You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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