my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
