I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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