All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
