what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
