he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
