The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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