haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
