Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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