Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
