ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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