D3 body, D1 cock
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
BRING THE BAGELS
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
