ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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