I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
