her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
