your parents love me but you hate me
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
