At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
