MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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