Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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